I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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