I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's blow job season.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
