The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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