Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
