im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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