I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
