Just cropdusted the office
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
