I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Randomize
