guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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