Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
