OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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