We won't sleep together?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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