I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
