well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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