Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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