I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
