Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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