So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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