Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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