I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish i was in the wii world.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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