If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
