Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
