I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
