I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
