I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
