hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
