I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
