So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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