Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
