I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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