i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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