I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
