shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
