is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
