After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
