I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
