babies were throwing up all over the place
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
