OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
