I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
