you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
