to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
