Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
