Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
