My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
