I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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