So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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