found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
