Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
