I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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