He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize