I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said her name was "party"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
