I accidentally burped into my bong.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
