I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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