this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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