he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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