Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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