I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
