my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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