you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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