the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
