That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's like iHOP with fire
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
