are you so shy because you have an std?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
