Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
