I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
