Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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