First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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