I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
