No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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