I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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