i don't like sucking hair
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize