Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
