How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
