Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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