I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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