My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
