I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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