Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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